Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
