you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
