The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize