im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
