Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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