I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
