dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
