I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
