I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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