Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
no, he came in my armpit
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
