Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
