just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
