Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
