His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
