I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
