i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
