I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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