My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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