Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
