i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
