I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
