I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think my vagina is haunted
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
