It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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