I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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