Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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