I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
