She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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