Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
