are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
