if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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