Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
