guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
