I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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