Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
