so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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