I bet he comes in French.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
