Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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