Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize