i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
