I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
