hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
