Someone shit on the floor
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
