One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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