Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
