and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
