6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
