Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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