her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
