I just threw up on my dentist
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He? As in you personified your dick?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
