if you like me you must not know who I am
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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