i already hear my dad disowning me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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