I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
