did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
