not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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