Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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