Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
