worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
