you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
