Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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