Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
