I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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