she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
