well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize