I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
