you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
