So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
