some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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