he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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