I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
