you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize