i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
