when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
