The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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