the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
