Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
