Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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