I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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