went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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