my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
