Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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