the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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